Monday, November 28, 2005
Good morning car park fans!
If any of you listen to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 on the Radio 1 Breakfast show, you'll know that quote. It's associated with the morning, something I generally don't like having to associate myself with, but have to regardless. In other words, a morning post is an incredible rarity (in other words, I came in a hour early for my lecture, because I can't read), so enjoy while you can you miserable plebs. (God's handbook of good blogging says I should never insult my readers. However, I don't believe in God and I believe that your feelings are impervious to snide comments made on a blog. Therefore I will call you a pleb. No offence meant)
In any case, I was watching the car park this morning as I locked up my bike (yes I cycle to university). All the spaces were full, and cars were going round in circles. Round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round etc. Now why would they be doing this? Is it because they were looking for a space? No no! I'll tell you what it's all about.
Its quite clear from the incredible amount of time I spent studying this phenomenon (about a minute - my bike-lock was being pooey this morning), that this is no car park space hunting exercise. No no, it is actually to do with World Domination on the highest scale and rank possible in the human genome. These people have been mind controlled by an evil psycology student (you know who you are), who's lone task in this world is to take control of the world. This psycology student has fitted mind wave emitters to the bottom of these cars, and by making the cars drive in a certain pattern, these mind waves combine and form Mega Manevolent Mind Masticating Mission Rays (M.M.M.M.M.R.). Deadlier than the M.M.R. jab, these rays begin to liquify the mind, turning it into a goopy goop of goopy stuff. This mind can then be remoulded into whatever the evil mastermind wishes it to. Of course, some people are immune, such as myself, as I don't have a mind to liquefy.
This will mean I will have to start a merry band of people to resist this curse. Using my patented "Gloop-away" cream, myself and my band of merry men (and women - although more men, as women have more complex minds and are thus more susceptible to M.M.M.M.M.R.) will cure these people, and stop the evil psycology student's plan right in its tracks (incidentally, they are forest tracks). This is a topical cream which will need to be directly applied to the brain. The easiest way to do this is to coat a bullet in Gloop-Away and shoot them in the head, but this has the unfortunate side-effect of killing the subject. So I have also invented a brain application tube. The tube, with a grinding rotating blade nestled on the end of the nozzle, drills through the skull, stopping short of the brain, before applying the anti-evil-gloop cream to the brain. This remoulds the brain into its former state, thus ridding the poor soul of the evil psycology student's evil plans for evil world domition of evil plan of evil - erm - thing.
Of course, you must help me in my crusade against evil. I can't afford all this, as I'm a poor student (relatively to society, but not in relation to students, I'm still not in my overdraft, huzzah!). Anyone wishing to help should send a cheque to me, made payable to "Anti-M.M.M.M.M.R. research funding". Thank you.
In any case, I was watching the car park this morning as I locked up my bike (yes I cycle to university). All the spaces were full, and cars were going round in circles. Round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round etc. Now why would they be doing this? Is it because they were looking for a space? No no! I'll tell you what it's all about.
Its quite clear from the incredible amount of time I spent studying this phenomenon (about a minute - my bike-lock was being pooey this morning), that this is no car park space hunting exercise. No no, it is actually to do with World Domination on the highest scale and rank possible in the human genome. These people have been mind controlled by an evil psycology student (you know who you are), who's lone task in this world is to take control of the world. This psycology student has fitted mind wave emitters to the bottom of these cars, and by making the cars drive in a certain pattern, these mind waves combine and form Mega Manevolent Mind Masticating Mission Rays (M.M.M.M.M.R.). Deadlier than the M.M.R. jab, these rays begin to liquify the mind, turning it into a goopy goop of goopy stuff. This mind can then be remoulded into whatever the evil mastermind wishes it to. Of course, some people are immune, such as myself, as I don't have a mind to liquefy.
This will mean I will have to start a merry band of people to resist this curse. Using my patented "Gloop-away" cream, myself and my band of merry men (and women - although more men, as women have more complex minds and are thus more susceptible to M.M.M.M.M.R.) will cure these people, and stop the evil psycology student's plan right in its tracks (incidentally, they are forest tracks). This is a topical cream which will need to be directly applied to the brain. The easiest way to do this is to coat a bullet in Gloop-Away and shoot them in the head, but this has the unfortunate side-effect of killing the subject. So I have also invented a brain application tube. The tube, with a grinding rotating blade nestled on the end of the nozzle, drills through the skull, stopping short of the brain, before applying the anti-evil-gloop cream to the brain. This remoulds the brain into its former state, thus ridding the poor soul of the evil psycology student's evil plans for evil world domition of evil plan of evil - erm - thing.
Of course, you must help me in my crusade against evil. I can't afford all this, as I'm a poor student (relatively to society, but not in relation to students, I'm still not in my overdraft, huzzah!). Anyone wishing to help should send a cheque to me, made payable to "Anti-M.M.M.M.M.R. research funding". Thank you.
Andrew, 9:17 AM
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