Friday, November 18, 2005
I'm very tired today
You know, I hardly got any sleep last night, so today, I felt quite shit. I had to take a nap. I mean come on, a nap??? What a bloody great waste of time! So I thought of something, something that would once again solve all the world's problem!
Eliminate sleep! Sleep is a terrible thing. It wastes, on average, about 8 hours a day for the average person. EIGHT HOURS! Do you know how many years that takes up in an average lifetime? Well I don't either, but it'll boggle the mind! Scientists say: "You need sleep to function", "it's a necessary part of life". Bollocks I say! Down with sleep and its unproductiveness!
So how do I propose the elimination of sleep? Well it's quite simple really. Scientists, at my "Utterly Supreme Ideas Inc." are already in the process of creating what I like to call "sleep deterrants". These "deterrant" are actually genetically engineered creatures. They look like a mini ostrich, but can fly at speeds of up to 3000km/hr. Their task, if the choose to accept it, which they will because I'll force them to with threats of reduction of their favourite "pointless" flavour food, is to stop you from sleeping. They will fly all over the world. If they catch anyone sleeping, they peck them repeatedly on the head until the person wakes up! Talk about efficiency! And don't think you'll be able to lock yourself in to get a rest. No no! These birds have beaks made of diamond, and can drill through anything! Yes! Anything at all!. And with their patented X-Ray-Infared-Gamma ray-lifesign detecting neural pathways in their brain, they can find anyone, anywhere!
Now think of the benifits to society! No more sleep means many more productive hours, manufacturing such things as paint, potatoes, sheep, and of course reality TV shows. Every nation in the world will benifit. Not only that, asylums and mental institutions will boom to cater for all the stresses of no-sleep life. This is good, because I have huge amounts of shares in these companies, and would stand to make a bob or two, but that's not for now.
Granted, some people may go mad, but with my pecker birds on hand, they'll be snapped to their senses in no-time. I also should mention that these birds have mind-altering devices, which can strip the madness clean out of you and turn it into a power source! So double the benifit.
So, how much will this grand scheme cost? Well nothing, as I'm happily paying for it all. Well, that's if you discount the loss of sanity, cohesive society and all that jazz, but who says that's important?
Anyway, I'm off to bed now. Being tired, I need a good night's sleep to come up with some more ideas tomorrow!
Eliminate sleep! Sleep is a terrible thing. It wastes, on average, about 8 hours a day for the average person. EIGHT HOURS! Do you know how many years that takes up in an average lifetime? Well I don't either, but it'll boggle the mind! Scientists say: "You need sleep to function", "it's a necessary part of life". Bollocks I say! Down with sleep and its unproductiveness!
So how do I propose the elimination of sleep? Well it's quite simple really. Scientists, at my "Utterly Supreme Ideas Inc." are already in the process of creating what I like to call "sleep deterrants". These "deterrant" are actually genetically engineered creatures. They look like a mini ostrich, but can fly at speeds of up to 3000km/hr. Their task, if the choose to accept it, which they will because I'll force them to with threats of reduction of their favourite "pointless" flavour food, is to stop you from sleeping. They will fly all over the world. If they catch anyone sleeping, they peck them repeatedly on the head until the person wakes up! Talk about efficiency! And don't think you'll be able to lock yourself in to get a rest. No no! These birds have beaks made of diamond, and can drill through anything! Yes! Anything at all!. And with their patented X-Ray-Infared-Gamma ray-lifesign detecting neural pathways in their brain, they can find anyone, anywhere!
Now think of the benifits to society! No more sleep means many more productive hours, manufacturing such things as paint, potatoes, sheep, and of course reality TV shows. Every nation in the world will benifit. Not only that, asylums and mental institutions will boom to cater for all the stresses of no-sleep life. This is good, because I have huge amounts of shares in these companies, and would stand to make a bob or two, but that's not for now.
Granted, some people may go mad, but with my pecker birds on hand, they'll be snapped to their senses in no-time. I also should mention that these birds have mind-altering devices, which can strip the madness clean out of you and turn it into a power source! So double the benifit.
So, how much will this grand scheme cost? Well nothing, as I'm happily paying for it all. Well, that's if you discount the loss of sanity, cohesive society and all that jazz, but who says that's important?
Anyway, I'm off to bed now. Being tired, I need a good night's sleep to come up with some more ideas tomorrow!
Andrew, 11:28 PM
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