Andrew's Ridiculously Stupid Ideas: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Andrew's Ridiculously Stupid Ideas
From mildy ridiculous to disgustingly ridiculous

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Just a message to the overtly devout followers of my blog (which number in the single digits I'm sure) that I wish you Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, or whatever the hell you celebrate at this time of year!

Andrew, 12:23 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

What, I mean, what is the point in providing a link to this site on Facebook if it hasn't been updated in donkeys. Eh? EH!? I'm going to start a new blog at some point. Or I'd like to do a PHP MMOROG thing but haven't got the technical expertise till I buy I book, which I've already scouted out. I bought a dart board the other day so I'm pretty busy with it at the minute though. That is all. How is Stockton? Good? Good.

Anonymous, at 10:50 PM

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: Name: Andrew; Location: Stockton-on-Tees, England, United Kingdom

My name is Andrew. I'm a miserable sod when I come here. Blogger is an outlet of my pain, and has plenty of reasons why this planet should be destroyed by drowning it in gerbil vomit.

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12/12/06
The Nintendo Wii, what a fascinating piece of kit, with its motion sensing controller and all that jazz. Look amazing. Or is it? Some ridiculously stupid people have been managing to smash their TVs by letting the controller fly all the way out of their hands and into that glass bit on the TV (see "Too Flimsy" at the bottom). Nintendo have now released a statement warning people to be careful. I mean come on people. That's just plain retarded. Seriously. Breaking your TV? Twats! "Some people are getting a lot more excited than we'd expected ... Hold the remote securely and avoid excessive motion during game play. If your hands become moist, stop and dry your hands." the company recommended. There's only two ways to get moist (as opposed to wet) hands that I'm aware of, and I'm guaranteeing the Wii isn't on that list...

30/07/06
Facebook, surely you should have at least have heard of it. I have. I'm quite active on it. T'is a great site indeed. The other day I was asked by a certain someone to perform a bit of... well... "industrial espionage" on it. Of course, I can't actually do that as I'm not employed by them, but hey, it's fun never-the-less. A BBC news story tells you more about this wonderful site. But what I'd like to know is why they get millions from enterprises across the US. I WANT MILLIONS OF MONIES!

06/02/06
Black hat and White hat. No, they aren't things you put on your head in this case, they are in fact two different types of search engine optimization. Is your page stuck in the lurch? Down 15 pages in Google? Then a search optimist will sort you out. However, can be good, and do it properly, but getting others to link to you, raising your profile on Google, or you can be evil and do it naughtily by making lots of spoof pages.
Which is exactly what BMW Germany did, and now, the BMW.de site has been blacklisted by Google. I challenge you to find it. You won't. Bwaaahahahaaaaa. And talking about search results, I've slipped from 6th to 19th on Google for "Stupid Ideas". So do your stuff, and linky linky me!

28/11/05
Hangman is a great game. Good family fun they tell me. However, if your name is Nguyen Tuong Van, and you're originally from Melbourne, hangman hasn't been very fun for you. This Nguyen Tuong Van is to be executed, by hanging, in Singapore, for smuggling 400 grammes of heroin into the country, due to the exceptionally strong anti-drug laws there. However, his executioner to be has been fired. Not literally, just from his job. You see, his identity has been pasted all over the press, so this veteran of literal hangman, with over 850 executions to date in his 50 year career, so the authorities decided to hang him, erm, fire him.
You'd think Nguyen Tuong Van would be off the hook. Nope, a new executioner will be brought in to play hangman with this poor chap. You might find an ad in your local paper. I hear the pension scheme is good.

25/11/05
XBox 360 users cry out, as many many users report that their XBox 360 regularly crashes. Of course, Microsoft deny it, saying only a few crash, but according to the forums at Xbox Scene, the problem is not as isolated as some would have you believe. Of course, this is no suprise. Microsoft, in their attempt to make Christmas and be the first out, lowered specs and rushed production, resulting in a shoddy product at $400. I have more confidence in the PS3. They come out well ahead of Christmas (in the UK), meaning prices will be down for the Christmas 2006 rush. Sensible tactics.

18/11/05
Guess how many words I've typed in this blog as of today. Go on guess. You haven't guessed yet dammit! In any case, it's now over 5,000 words. For all you Durham med studends out there, that's longer than our entire family project has to be. "Should'nt you be doing better things with your time?" one might ask. And you know what? They're probably right! But since when did I ever comply to time management?

16/11/05
Since when is a second not a second? When it's a leap second of course! According to scientists, the tides of the Earth's oceans are slowing our rotation, and have lobbied for leap seconds to be included in world times (UTC already compensates for it and is already a good few seconds different from GMT). This was denied of course, but the terrible thing is that within 700 years, our clocks will be one hour wrong due to failing to account for leap seconds. God help our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren...

15/11/05
OEH NOES! LIONS! According to two Iraqi detainees, Sherzad Khalid, 35, and Thahe Sabber, 37, American forces abused them with lions. "Lions?" I hear you say? Yes! Real life lions! Of course, me being an upstanding citizen and all that, I'm against torture and everything, but seriously? Lions?

12/11/05
For a brief period of time, I though Sony was intelligent. You know, with the PSP coming out, showcase of talent eh? But now their rootkit has been proven to be exploited by virus writers, Sony have been forced to pull it and apologise. This is, of course, right after Sony BMG said, 'Most people don't even know what a rootkit is so why should they care about it?' Typically bad luck eh?

Fog, beautiful fog!

Supposing Christmas was a Satanistic ritual

Imagine everyone had unfortunate names

On the other hand...

Cowboy Ciaran

Imagine if we were all genetically altered to brea...

Imagine if we were all made of steel.

An apology and a promise

Time edits

Good morning car park fans!