Thursday, February 09, 2006
Imagine if we were all genetically altered to breathe fire
It's quite cold in sunny Stockton-on-Tees. Plenty of sun, but there's a really cold wind, which is quite strong. So, the cogs in my brain (all four of them) started turning for no apparent reason, while I thought up a topic for today's blog. How to stay warm when its cold.
My super genious idea would be to genetically alter everyone so they could breath fire, King Arthur's dragon sort of idea (King Arthur had a dragon called Lionel. Widely condemned to be a hippy, Arthur had to sack Lionel, who then began peddling low quality cooked chicken products, before dissapearing under mysterious circumstances three years later). If we could breathe fire, you could say goodbye to radiators, central heating, hot water tanks and anything within 10 feet of you when you ignite the air. Global warming would reverse, and the metal used to make radiators could be made into cheap computers to sell to Africa.
It could also save many lives. Guns would no longer be necessary, or even useful, as the superheated fire that comes out would vapourise any bullet or projectile. Defence budges would be cut a dozen times over, allowing more money to be ploughed into useless government schemes aimed at educating illiterate ninety year olds with a lifespan of 90.2 years.
It would also be a great new way for men to show off to women. For the men amongst us whose faces bear an unfortunate but uncanny similarity to a rotting mushroom, this would be a way to pull ladies, even if they also have faces like decayed vegetables. I'm sure the ability to breathe fire would also give a bit of spice to any relationship, even if it involves one of the halves being turned into Mr Wright's rock garden ash fertilizer.
But most importantly, space would easily be within our grasp. Instead of having to use heavy tanks full of oxygen and hydrogen, both thoroughly flammable and explodable, use a group of twenty slaves imported from the recesses of Colombian prisons to power the rocket to glory using none other than their mouths (If you're thinking it, no, you're a dirty git).
However, editing the genomes of everyone would be a monumental task. Rather, I should have the ability to breathe fire, and maybe one other person. Then I'd be able to rule the world! Actually, now that I think about it, I'll go look in the Yellow Pages now... Genetic manipulation...
My super genious idea would be to genetically alter everyone so they could breath fire, King Arthur's dragon sort of idea (King Arthur had a dragon called Lionel. Widely condemned to be a hippy, Arthur had to sack Lionel, who then began peddling low quality cooked chicken products, before dissapearing under mysterious circumstances three years later). If we could breathe fire, you could say goodbye to radiators, central heating, hot water tanks and anything within 10 feet of you when you ignite the air. Global warming would reverse, and the metal used to make radiators could be made into cheap computers to sell to Africa.
It could also save many lives. Guns would no longer be necessary, or even useful, as the superheated fire that comes out would vapourise any bullet or projectile. Defence budges would be cut a dozen times over, allowing more money to be ploughed into useless government schemes aimed at educating illiterate ninety year olds with a lifespan of 90.2 years.
It would also be a great new way for men to show off to women. For the men amongst us whose faces bear an unfortunate but uncanny similarity to a rotting mushroom, this would be a way to pull ladies, even if they also have faces like decayed vegetables. I'm sure the ability to breathe fire would also give a bit of spice to any relationship, even if it involves one of the halves being turned into Mr Wright's rock garden ash fertilizer.
But most importantly, space would easily be within our grasp. Instead of having to use heavy tanks full of oxygen and hydrogen, both thoroughly flammable and explodable, use a group of twenty slaves imported from the recesses of Colombian prisons to power the rocket to glory using none other than their mouths (If you're thinking it, no, you're a dirty git).
However, editing the genomes of everyone would be a monumental task. Rather, I should have the ability to breathe fire, and maybe one other person. Then I'd be able to rule the world! Actually, now that I think about it, I'll go look in the Yellow Pages now... Genetic manipulation...
Andrew, 4:59 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
BTW I recon KISS already have this power.
Anonymous, at 7:21 PM
and the ramstein fire breather people.
P.S ur blogs were better when u lived in ireland, is stockton not so inspirational ? or did richard do all the irish ones :D
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P.S ur blogs were better when u lived in ireland, is stockton not so inspirational ? or did richard do all the irish ones :D
