Andrew's Ridiculously Stupid Ideas
From mildy ridiculous to disgustingly ridiculous

You know what would be quite disturbing? I'll tell you what, if we were all made out of steel. Why would this be disturbing one might ask? Well mosy people wouldn't be able to tell you, but I would.

You see, steel, next to denim, is the strongest and most versatile substance known to man (denim is really flexible steel, and can be used to make boats, walls and replacement testes/ovaries). It can be made into a variety of things useful to everyday life. But that's life as a sack of spuds, a tower of microbes or a transvestite. Our lives would be so significantly better if we weren't made from something with the strength of an old rusty pulley that so old and rusty that you couldn't rust it any more without causing Armenia to implode. Who needs airbags and seatbelts if we were made of steel? We could just step out of the trashed wreckage of our cars and hop onto a bypassing bus.

But having car crashes that cannot harm you is on the ligher side of a two sided coin (which are, in many cases, alloys including steel). There are so many problems associated with being made of steel, I really don't have time to invent repeat them.

Firstly if made of steel, we would, in fact, be as cold as steel, and thus require huge amounts of energy to keep us warm (we may be made of steel, but having urine freezing in your urethra is an unpleasant experience I would not wish any of you to experience). Being so heavy is not good either, Dr B. M. Index would have to reinvent his scale, taking countless minutes away from the good doctor fixing and repairing people, resulting in higher mortality rates. Then there's the oxygen. Think about it, steel is made from a simple mathmatical formula:

Iron Ore + Coal = Steel - Oxygen

So when we breath, we are actually contributing to our own deaths. It could be long, slow and painful.

And finally, and nearly most importantly, love making, initimate relationships, loveless love, or whatever you want to call it would be very difficult. Having that certain inflexibility when it comes to certain "movements" would dilute the whole experience, and make it worthless, contributing to a bottoming out of birth rates.

So let's just hope that we never have to face the situation of being made of steel.