Monday, December 12, 2005
Time edits
I must severely apologise for my recent lack of updates. This was due mainly to an overly hectic timetable and life, eg exams, flat issues, and other problems which I will not discuss here owing to time/boredom constraints.
Which brings me round nicely to my incredibly brilliant idea. Have you ever been bored? Alternatively, have you ever been so happy, that you want the moment to last forever? Well then, I have the perfect device for you!
My "X-300 Super Incredible Time Editor Device" is an incredibly useful device. You wear it like a watch, except it must be worn on your ankles. On the device is a simple dial, which you can turn either clockwise or anti-clockwise. But that's not all! This device can be used to slow or speed up the passage of time. Instead of actually slowing time down, which would be useless, the rate at which time passes decreases or increases. For example, if you have an hour long session with Mrs Montague, no strings attached, you can extend time, so although you may be going at it for 5 hours, you still have 15 minutes left! Alternatively, if you find yourself hideously bored in a lecture (an experience I, unfortunately, experience on a nearly daily basis), you can speed time up, so by the time your lecturer gets to the third slide, it's time for lunch!
Of course, this will have patented anti-cheat technology. This prevents you slowing down time during exams, giving you more time to think, or speeding it up so once you're finished, no-one else has time to. This can be deactivated, for the pricely sum of £3,000,000, payable to me. Unfortunately, I only accept cash and Visa Debit cards at this time.
Everyone who wants to buy this will also need to be carefully vetted before being allowed to buy one. For example, George Bush could say "I swear on my life, I'll only bomb Iran for 5 minutes", and Iran could be a 300m deep crater, with 10 million lives lost and $374,324,678,204,091,284 spend on bombs, with 3 minutes left.
And how much will this wonderous device cost? Let me tell you that you can get it for a mere £100,000,000. Please pay in cash only, preferably in Northern Bank's PVC £5 notes (I like them). Thank you.
Which brings me round nicely to my incredibly brilliant idea. Have you ever been bored? Alternatively, have you ever been so happy, that you want the moment to last forever? Well then, I have the perfect device for you!
My "X-300 Super Incredible Time Editor Device" is an incredibly useful device. You wear it like a watch, except it must be worn on your ankles. On the device is a simple dial, which you can turn either clockwise or anti-clockwise. But that's not all! This device can be used to slow or speed up the passage of time. Instead of actually slowing time down, which would be useless, the rate at which time passes decreases or increases. For example, if you have an hour long session with Mrs Montague, no strings attached, you can extend time, so although you may be going at it for 5 hours, you still have 15 minutes left! Alternatively, if you find yourself hideously bored in a lecture (an experience I, unfortunately, experience on a nearly daily basis), you can speed time up, so by the time your lecturer gets to the third slide, it's time for lunch!
Of course, this will have patented anti-cheat technology. This prevents you slowing down time during exams, giving you more time to think, or speeding it up so once you're finished, no-one else has time to. This can be deactivated, for the pricely sum of £3,000,000, payable to me. Unfortunately, I only accept cash and Visa Debit cards at this time.
Everyone who wants to buy this will also need to be carefully vetted before being allowed to buy one. For example, George Bush could say "I swear on my life, I'll only bomb Iran for 5 minutes", and Iran could be a 300m deep crater, with 10 million lives lost and $374,324,678,204,091,284 spend on bombs, with 3 minutes left.
And how much will this wonderous device cost? Let me tell you that you can get it for a mere £100,000,000. Please pay in cash only, preferably in Northern Bank's PVC £5 notes (I like them). Thank you.
Andrew, 8:07 PM
0 comments
